To Fill An Open Heart
by stars90
Summary: Post Countdown AU. Kate comes back to her apartment to find Lanie needing to speak with her desperately. Why? Where does their conversation lead?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Castle.

Katherine Beckett rode the elevator up to her apartment in silence, listening intently to her boyfriend's voice coming from just above and behind her head. Hanging on his every word. Every random "the" or "and". Anything to keep her mind from straying to the places it seemed intent on going back to. The last thing she wanted was her mind starting to obsess over the details of the past couple of days. No, for right now, she'd take comfort in the arms around her. She'd latch on to the sound of his words and study how he said them, because she would **not** think about how she'd drawn far more comfort from the actual content coming from a different voice over the past few disastrous days…. _No! Bad Kate! Not thinking about it!_ And she forced her attention far more than normal on the ding of the elevator signaling they'd reached her floor.

As Kate walked out of the elevator with Josh close behind her, her eyes widened in surprise as they immediately fell on a figure slouched in front of her door. A very distinctive and familiar figure with rich chocolate-colored skin…

"Lanie?"

As her best friend looked up to meet her gaze, Beckett was shocked to find the rare evidence of tear tracks on her friends face.

"Lanie what's wrong?"

"Girl… we need to talk." Kate began to panic and opened her mouth to form a question, but Lanie seemed to sense where her mind had jumped. "In private… don't worry, everyone's okay."

Through her mixed feelings of relief and puzzlement Beckett turned and looked at the man behind her. "Josh, do you mind…?"

She could immediately sense his reluctance. "Kate, they stuck me with shifts at the hospital as soon as they knew I was available, I'm on later tonight."

"I know. But apparently this is really important to Lanie. I'll see you later."

"…alright…" Josh shook his head slowly as he turned and walked back towards the elevator.

Kate dug out her keys and unlocked the door, ushering her friend inside and gesturing to the couch. After divesting herself of her coat and purse, she went over to the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of wine, figuring Lanie looked like she'd need it.

"So what's wrong? Esposito stick his foot in his mouth?"

Lanie tossed her a half-hearted glare. "Not this time."

Beckett gave a tiny chuckle before looking at her friend expectantly.

"I'd come to the precinct to check in with Javi. He was finishing a last piece of paperwork and told me he'd meet me at the car. I was on my way out when I thought I heard something weird from one of the janitor's closets on the first floor. I went in and saw somebody curled up on the floor, weeping like there was no tomorrow."

Beckett was shocked. In the precinct? Who'd be crying like that in the precinct? Lanie sensed the unspoken question.

"It was Castle."

Beckett's eyes widened comically. Castle? Crying that badly? In the precinct? He hadn't looked like he was taking everything quite that badly at their 'we're alive' celebration. The adrenaline had already worn off by then. If he was holding it in for that long why could he all of a sudden not wait until he got home? Castle was one of the strongest people she knew; he'd have to be pretty cut up to do something like that.

"What happened?"

"_Castle!?"_

_The sobbing man looked up, appearing to Lanie's shocked eyes more like the four year old he sometimes portrayed than the forty year old he was. He gave her a watery half-smile. "Hey, Lanie. What's up?"_

"_Took the words right out of my mouth." Castle turned his head back toward the floor, seeming to take great interest in a speck of dust next to his knee. "Oh, nothing much."_

"_Yeah, 'nothing much' is usually a good reason to be sitting here crying in a closet." Lanie turned on the light and closed the door before lowering herself to the ground next to Castle. "Come on writer-boy, what's wrong?"_

_Castle looked for a moment like he'd maintain his weak resistance but he didn't appear to have the strength. He flicked his beloved speck of dust around a few times before replying in a voice so low that Lanie had to strain to hear despite being barely 10 inches away. "Why am I so unlovable?"_

_Lanie did a double take. She couldn't have heard that correctly? Castle, unlovable? He was absurdly lovable, he reminded her of a gigantic talking teddy bear sometimes. She had expected something about danger, mortality, even crazy publishers, but not that. "What in the world are you talking about? Why would you think you're not lovable?"_

"_Well every woman I fall for seems to see me that way." _Oh boy…_ "I've thought I've been in love four times now Lanie. It started with Kyra in college, but she left right before it could get to the next step. Then there was Meredith. She _married_ me. That seemed like a pretty serious statement of loving me right up until I found her in bed with her director."_

_Lanie was staring at Castle, unable to believe what she was hearing. Every time she'd heard this man's voice it'd been full of energy, full of passion, full of _life_. To hear this vivacious man sound so broken, so utterly defeated- Lanie could feel her own tears beginning to well up. She silently willed Castle to be done, but her will was ignored._

"_After Meredith came Gina. That was the easiest in that she was probably the one I loved the least. My relationship with her, was more about feeling convenient and sensible for both of us than about love. But it still hurt when it ended."_

"_I've dated a few other women, not nearly as many as the papers like to portray, but a few. Every single one but Kyra were attracted by my rich guy persona. Who I am didn't interest any of them, and it wasn't enough to keep Kyra around."_

_Lanie was pretty sure she didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out at least part of where all of this was going. Quite the opposite, all she needed was a pair of eyes and any but two of the names in the world, so she filled in the gap. "And then there was Kate."_

_Castle let out a tired sigh through his tears. "And then there was Kate." Lanie could hear the hitch in his voice as he spoke about her, even with all the pain the memories he was thinking of were clearly bringing him._

"_At first, I saw a woman who was just so beautiful that I couldn't resist. But I didn't know her, so I gave her the same millionaire charm that brought far more women flocking than I care to think about. But she said no to that. She _hated _that. I got curious. Since I was spending so much more of my time working with her than I ever had with anyone before, she had to see other parts of me, it became inevitable. And it seemed to me as though she actually was happier with me when those parts came out. Gradually, I let her see things about me that had never attracted anyone, that had even sent a few women scurrying. That was where I got the most approval from her. And this was coming from the most strong, intelligent, courageous, _extraordinary_ woman I'd ever met. I…I…", Castle cleared his throat in an attempt to steady his quivering voice. "As hesitant as I was, it was impossible to be with her and not fall in love with her. I dared to hope."_

_He shook his head ruefully. "I was such a fool. I should've realized it with Demming. I was feeling so hurt seeing her with him, seeing how she was trying to tread lightly on my feelings and still be with him, that I retreated. With every bit of myself I'd shown her, and in spite of everything I did that year trying to show her how much she mattered to me, she still fell into his arms. It just hurt too much, so I rode off to the Hamptons with my tail between my legs and the wicked witch of the east on my arm. Well, maybe that's not quite fair, Gina's not a bad person; she's just very, very much not for me. But I was going to try to settle."_

_His head shifted, angling his face to gaze at the ceiling through his tears, although he was too focused on the past to have seen much of it anyway. "But then we were brought together again by that case, and I realized that keeping away from her was impossible. She's magnetic. And she'd broken up with Demming… Some small part of myself began to hope again. As time went on, she was with Josh, I was with Gina, and yet the whole time I just fell deeper and deeper in love with her. There was no safety net, nothing to break the fall. Eventually I realized that I didn't want to settle, not when I knew there was the kind of magic like how I felt for Kate out there, so I broke up with Gina. But the whole time Josh was still there, standing in the way. I struggled to hang on to my hope, despite how much that fading glimmer was hurting me when it continually went unfulfilled. I figured that at least I could take care of her, since Doctor Motorcycle Boy was doing _such_ a good job of it. _

_Then with this case I could feel the hope sniffing the air again. Beckett told me she was having problems with Josh, that she just wanted someone to have an equal, giving relationship with. The very thing I'd always wanted. We almost died in each other's arms and all I could think was that if that was where I was going to die, there's nobody I'd rather be with at the end. But we didn't die, because _he _came back. And then she said it meant they had a shot, and I could feel my heart getting ripped out again. We came to the brink of death _again_ and I felt the same way as before, that there was nobody I'd rather face it with. I couldn't even bring myself to regret not having escaped when I had the chance, because it meant I'd been reliable support for her, and I wouldn't have to face a world where she didn't live. Again we didn't die. We were hugging after the bomb was disarmed, and I just felt so right in her arms. I was going to throw it all to the wind at the precinct, ask her to dinner, try to talk to her, but then Doctor Motorcycle Boy showed up before I got the chance. I wanted to scream. After everything this was all just too much."_

_Castle turned his face toward Lanie, tears leaking from his eyes, his body racked with sobs, his words starting to be interrupted by hiccups. "Tell me, Lanie. You're a woman. You must see it. You have to have some… idea what it is about me… that isn't good enough for a woman to love. Please, you have to help me. Maybe, maybe if I figure out… what… it is… I can… change it." Lanie could feel her heart pulling itself apart and the tears leaking out of her own eyes as she pulled the sobbing man to her shoulder and held him as he wept for what he wanted so badly yet could never seem to get._

"_You know what the hardest part of this is? I don't know when or even if I'll ever be able to bring myself to pull away from her again, even to protect myself. I tried last summer. She's too enthralling. And even if it were possible, I promised her _always_. Too many people have left her, she's been hurt too many times. I won't let myself become another one of those, no matter how much it kills me. I can't do that to her. I won't." Lanie rocked him back and forth as he cried it all out. Eventually, several minutes later, his shaking eased and his sobs died away. He pulled back and wiped the tears from his eyes._

"_Man, I'm sorry Lanie, I didn't mean to…"_

"Richard Castle_! Don't you dare apologize! You needed to let that out. It was killing you bottled up like that. And for your information, in my professional opinion as a woman, there is nothing unlovable about you. In fact there is quite a bit _to_ love about you, and some day some lucky woman is gonna realize it."_

_He gave a small chuckle. "You're an incredible friend, Lanie, you know that? I hope you and the boys always know how much your friendships mean to me. Thank you." He put his hands on his legs and mustered his strength to get up and head for the door._

"_Castle!" Lanie had called out his name, wanting to say something, _anything_, which might ease his pain, but for the life of her she couldn't imagine what. He turned his head to regard her expectantly. "It'll all work out. You'll see." Lanie could've kicked herself for not being able to come up with anything better than that. He said nothing, but his eyes answered her, softening with tender gratitude which couldn't quite hide the skepticism. Then he walked out, leaving the Medical Examiner alone in the closet to cry for the pain she'd heard in her friend's voice._

Tears were running down Lanie's cheeks yet again as she finished telling the story. Beckett's tears were running down her face as well, but she couldn't feel them through the full-blown, open-mouthed shock. Castle loved her? He felt unlovable because he thought that nobody seemed to ever love him back? That _she _didn't love him back? He'd let himself keep taking the pain for her, simply because he'd promised to always be there for her? Beckett was lost. She was groping in the dark for some kind of clarity but it seemed to be avoiding her. She breathed out her reply to Lanie, a faint whisper of a sound, the plea of a woman struggling for help.

"How do I fix this Lanie?"

Her friend controlled her crying enough to fix her with a piercing stare. "He thinks he can't be loved. He thinks nobody falls in love with him. Prove to him that he's wrong." She got up off the couch and headed for the door. Just as she opened it she turned around once more to look at Beckett. "Fix this Kate."

And she left.

Beckett sat there silently for who-knows-how-long, still crying, trying to process everything Lanie had told her. Finally a single set of words pierced through her haze and sent a command to her legs to start moving before she even realized it. _"Prove to him that he's wrong."_ That was it. She didn't understand how that man could love her of all people so much, but if he thought no one could love him, she was going to prove him wrong.

She just had to make a little side trip to the hospital first.

**I don't think I'm going to include the break up with Josh, but if enough people ask for it I might put it in. Please tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm in awe of the response the last chapter received. You guys are terrific! As a thank you, by popular demand I present to you Dr. Motorcycle Boy getting chucked. On with the fic!**

Disclaimer: Still don't own Castle

As an obsessive workaholic with a job that had an extremely analytical aspect, Kate Beckett had learned long ago how to navigate her vehicle on autopilot when her mind simply refused to back down from dissecting every aspect of her cases. Were she not gifted with this particular talent, she most likely would've been killed on her way to Castle's loft that night. Even as half of her consciousness took note of the cars around her and weaved through them on the road toward her destination, the rest of her couldn't help thinking back on the stop she had just made, and marveling in the lessons to be learned regarding just how clouded her judgment had been by her desire to push down her feelings for Castle.

_Beckett strode into the hospital, her manner betraying none of her nervousness about what she had come to do. Despite knowing now that it was the right decision, ending a relationship would never be an easy task._

_Kate walked toward the front desk, catching the eye of the receptionist who knew what she was here for from her myriad visits over the past few months. Without even waiting for Kate to reach her desk, she jerked her head toward the middle corridor of the T-shaped intersection behind her. Kate smiled at her warmly in acknowledgement as she passed the desk and kept walking._

_As Kate strode down the corridor, examining the various figures wearing doctor's scrubs, her attention was diverted by the sound of high-pitched, girlish laughter. Glancing toward the source, she took in the sight of her boyfriend chatting up two very giggly nurses. Not even sure what to feel just then, Beckett walked forward and clasped Josh's elbow._

"_Kate!" exclaimed Josh as he turned at the pressure on his arm, his face going just a bit red. "Ah-I- what are you doing here?"_

_Choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt, particularly considering why she was here, Kate kept her expression unreadable as she asked Josh for a word in private and accompanied him into an unoccupied room._

"_Look, babe I know you felt bad having to tell me to go, but you had to talk to Lanie, I get it. You didn't have to come see me at work. And I'm on shift now, I don't really have time."_

_Raising an eyebrow at this beginning, Kate replied, "No, Josh I know I had to talk to Lanie. I came here because I needed to talk to you."_

"_About what?"_

_Taking a deep breath, Kate began. "Look, Josh you're a great guy, and we've had fun together…" That was as far as she got before being interrupted._

"_Yeah, I know we have. Look Kate, I'm on shift now, I don't really have much time for the 'are we serious'/'where are we going' talk, okay? How about we save this for when I get back tomorrow, okay?" Josh moved in for a kiss._

_Moving backwards to avoid the kiss and falling back on her considerable willpower to keep from rolling her eyes, Kate started talking again._

"_No Josh, that's not what this is. You're great, and we've had fun but I don't think this is going to work."_

_Josh blinked. "Wait are you- are you breaking up with me? Look Kate if this is about what you saw in the hall it wasn't-"_

"_No Josh, it's not. This is what I came here for. I chose not to assume anything about what I saw in the hall."_

"_Look, Kate it was nothing. This happens all the time, I'm pretty popular with the ladies, you know that. Look, let's just forget about this whole thing, how about tomorrow night I take you to that new Italian place over on 73__rd__, what do you say?"_

_Starting to lean a little into incredulous territory with where this discussion was going, Kate replied, "No Josh, we're not going out tomorrow night. I'm trying to tell you it's over."_

_Josh rolled his eyes and took a step toward her. "Come on, Kate. You and I both know that wasn't what you came here to talk about. You're overreacting. I'm telling you, it's a little frustrating that you're still trying to stick with this breaking up thing. You're going to have to get used to the fact that women find me irresistible."_

Aaaand the 'leaning' part fell right out the window…

"_Josh, I'm not overreacting, I came here to tell you that we're done."_

_Josh just laughed in her face. "You know Kate, next time you want to play a prank, you might consider finding one that's believable."_

_Beckett's eyes narrowed. "And what exactly is it that makes this 'unbelievable'?"_

_Josh grinned. "Come on Kate, it's obvious that women don't break up with me."_

Mr. Incredulity, meet Mrs. Anger. _"Well then consider me a record breaker." And Kate began to walk around Josh towards the door._

"_Wait a minute, what are you talking about? What- wait? Wait just a minute, this isn't about that bumbling sycophant who follows you around, is it?"_

_Kate turned around, her eyes projecting her patented death glare. "What did you just say?"_

_Josh glared back. "It is! Are you crazy? You're going to leave me, _me_, for him? How could you possibly think he's any better than me? For crying out loud, he's more boy than man!"_

"_There's a heck of a lot to Castle that I'd say is better than you. Even more than I knew of coming into this conversation! For that matter, the same probably goes for most of the men on the planet!" Beckett snapped back, continuing her angry march towards the door and ignoring the frozen look of shock on Josh's face. As she placed her hand on the knob, she heard one more retort from her gladly ex-boyfriend._

"_Good riddance! Go off and give the playboy just what he wants! He'll leave you. Once you give in to him, he'll leave you the second things get tough, which knowing you, probably will happen pretty quickly."_

_Beckett turned around to see the look of triumph on Josh's face, clearly having thought he'd gotten the last word and planted significant doubts in her mind. Kate responded with a smirk. _

"_If that were true, I'd be dead right now, and so would you." And she flung open the door and walked out._

Kate was startled out of her reverie by the sight of Castle's distinctive building, feeling a pang in her chest just knowing he was up there.

As she parked the cruiser and got out, Kate reflected a little more on the incident with Josh. Why had she never seen that side of him? Why had it never been clear to her that he saw himself as G-d's gift to women? _Because_ she wryly answered her own question, _when I met him in the bar that night, I felt like he was G-d's gift to me. _She had met Josh while attempting to forget her sorrows from Castle having left with Gina for the summer. From the beginning, he'd been a way to push her feelings of Castle away. She'd never been able to spend too much time with him considering their respective jobs, which was just fine with her, since if she had she might have been forced to acknowledge that it wasn't the same as spending time with Castle. The irony certainly wasn't lost on her that for being her way to forget Castle, Josh ended up being exhibit A of one of her earliest misconceptions about Castle, the idea that his large ego made him insensitive to women.

Kate entered the building, sharing a quick but familiar greeting with Ted, the doorman. Even that said something, Beckett thought as she got on the elevator. She had absolutely no recollection of the doorman at Josh's building. She hadn't been around enough, and she hadn't gotten the same feeling of walking into a place she would definitely be coming back to.

Kate shook her head as the elevator reached Castle's floor, resolving to put Josh out of her mind once and for all. He was the past, and not a past that meant a great deal to her at the end of the day. She was here for her future. She was here for Castle, to help him with the problems she'd unknowingly helped fester with her relationships, and then to possibly see if they could put together one of their own. One that she felt had a better chance of enduring her insecurities and troubles than any she'd ever had.

It was only after she'd knocked on the door, waiting for her partner to open up, that it occurred to her that she didn't have the slightest clue how to do that.

**And Josh is gone! I thought about making him for sure cheating, but I thought that it was more ironic this way. Next chapter we get to have Caskett talk! Please tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry for the delay in updating after getting out two chapters in a row before. I was feeling like I had neglected my other story, so I wanted to get another chapter up for that one first.**

**Disclaimer: Who wants to guess at the odds that I've suddenly acquired rights to Castle in the last week? Sorry, but no.**

Kate's brain momentarily flashed into panic at not having planned out what to say to Castle, but the panic, as well as all other forms of higher brain functioning are cut off by appearance of the man himself. Most of the time Kate was able to control her reactions to her partners handsome appearance, but the fact that she'd come here with the possibility of diving in with him on the table had left her control in tatters. Her reverie didn't last long however; as she took in his face more closely, she immediately noticed his haggard appearance. His eyes were bloodshot, and Kate could see the remnants of recent tear tracks up and down his face.

"Beckett? What are you doing here? Come on in." Castle stretched out his arm before he'd even finished speaking and pulled her gently into his apartment. Kate found herself casting about wildly for any kind of reply.

"I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?" _Not exactly helpful, but at least it bought me an extra second or two._

Castle guided her over to the couch, the pressure on her arm practically nonexistent, simply a gesture. "Um-Can I get you something to drink? Wine, water, coffee,….?

Beckett decided to cut off his diatribe before he moved to beverages which would require an airplane trip to serve. "No thanks, Castle I'm fine." Kate mentally cursed the shakiness of her voice as Castle lowered himself onto the couch beside her.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you with Josh? Did he have to work again? Oh, that's it, isn't it? He had to work and left you alone after the day you've had…."

Kate could feel the fury rising in Castle's voice outside of the sound, as if his anger was a wind being carried on the back of his words and blowing on her. She mentally gave a small cheer that Castle had gone to Josh. This gave her a small starting point, as well as a first bit of comfort she could give him at the start of their conversation. "No Castle, he didn't leave me for work. Well, he did, but I ended up having to send him away much earlier than he would've gone." The words were out of Kate's mouth before she could take them back and she instantly smacked herself mentally for phrasing it that way.

"Why would you have to send him away early after today?" Castle's eyes bore into her, using that patented drilling gaze of curiosity that he got whenever something about her personal life came up. For the umpteenth time since she'd spoken to Lanie Kate was wondering about another sign of how much Castle cared about her that she'd missed even as it was repeatedly shoved in her face. She'd been afraid of being a conquest, but people don't have that kind of compulsion to learn things about a conquest. She'd told herself it was for research, but how much information had she fed that look of his that never saw its way onto the pages of one of his novels?

"Beckett?" Kate jumped, having fallen out of the conversation for a split second with that reverie, but it seemed that second had cost her under Castle's expert scrutiny. "Have you been crying?"

Kate was startled by his question. Crying? Oh yeah, she had cried when she'd been listening to Lanie. She'd been so focused on her story that she hadn't even noticed until she was in the car. Now Castle had noticed the aftereffects she hadn't been able to cover up sufficiently during her mad dash to get to his side, and his question trigger her instinctive defensive response before she could stop herself. "I could ask you the same question, Castle."

Beckett watched as Castle's expression morphed rapidly. He started out concerned before her question. Once her words registered in his brain he changed to caught and embarrassed. Embarrassment shifted for a split second to slightly defiant, before his eyes took on the gleam Kate associated with their breaking a case and then narrowed. "You spoke to Lanie, didn't you? That's why you had to send Josh away, because she showed up."

Now it was Beckett's turn to look caught. She rearranged her expression as quickly as possible but she already knew it was a lost cause. Castle's head fell into his hands. Kate's heart burned at the sight. She ached to reach out and touch him, but she figures that this may not be the best idea just yet, having noted all the tiny ways in which Castle visibly shrank away from her. Castle rubbed his hands up and down the face they covered in an attempt at some sort of comfort, before he pushed himself up off the couch and strode over to the window that looked out onto the skyline and the street below. Again Kate was desperate to follow him but she could feel his desire to have some distance almost palpably. Kate started as a new, terrible thought occurred to her. Is this how he's felt so many times when she has pushed him away? This desperation to help the person you love, the helplessness to do so, the powerlessness? Her heart broke for him all over again.

When Castle finally spoke, it was in a shaky, hoarse whisper that left Beckett straining in order to hear, especially since Castle didn't turn back around from the window. ''Why are you here Beckett?"

Kate's mouth opened and closed fish-style several times as she groped for the right way to answer. "I- I was worried about you." Oops, this was apparently not quite the right thing to say as Castle gave a completely humorless chuckle followed by a full blown yell.

"Well you don't need to be, I'm not some needy little boy sitting in the nurses office crying because he misses his mother and wants to be anywhere in the world, **anywhere**, but in his school!" Castle took a deep breath, clearly struggling to steady himself. While he was working on it Beckett had a split second to think back over what he had just said. His example was very specific, and not any kind of pop culture reference that Kate knew of. She wasn't too fond of where this this train of thought seemed to lead. But just as her detective instincts started tingling, Castle finally spoke up again, now back to his barely-a-whisper voice, and still refusing to look at her.

"I'm sorry Kate, I didn't mean to go off at you. I'm just a bit worn out. I appreciate your concern for me, I really do. But you don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine. I could just use some quiet time right now."

Seeing Castle start to close up on himself Beckett hurried to jam her foot in the opening. "Castle, I wanted to talk to you about what you said to Lanie-"

"You don't have to worry about it Beckett. I promise I won't make any problems between you and Josh. And you don't have to worry about me. Despite all evidence to the contrary I'm a big boy, and I'm used to it by now. Why don't you go see if you can still catch Josh for a little while before his shift? You deserve to have somebody to be with you after the day you've had.

Struggling to clamp down on the emotions that would not help at the moment, Kate replied in a small voice. "So do you."

Castle sighed. "Yeah, well… Mother and Alexis will be back tomorrow. I'll be fine until then."

"I could stay with-"

"I appreciate that, but you shouldn't feel some misplaced sense of obligation just because you found out something I said to somebody else. You have enough burdens in your life, Kate. I don't want to become another one. You can go back to Josh, it's fine. Just go, please.

Kate could hear Castle's voice breaking on his last short sentence, and it was difficult not to give in to the raw pleading in his voice even when he was asking her to leave him to his pain. Fortunately though, he'd also just presented her with a small opportunity to possibly break through to him, and despite how uncomfortable she knew it would be, she knew that she couldn't leave without saying the things she'd come to say. So Kate took a deep breath and, with just five short words, opened a small door in the walls around her heart for the first time in eleven years.

"I broke up with Josh."

Castle spun around so fast Kate thought for a split second his head was going to go flying. "You what?"

"I left him. After I spoke to Lanie, I went to the hospital and broke up with him."

Castle moved quickly to the nearest chair and sunk into it as it seemed his legs seemed to have lost the ability to hold him up. Beckett had to suppress a laugh as he almost tripped over the arm of the chair because his wide-eyed gaze was fixated on her. "Kate- you- you didn't have to do that."

Kate gave Castle a rueful smile, "oh yes, I did. And trust me, given his reaction, I don't regret it in the slightest."

Castle's eyes narrowed at this. "What do you mean by that?"

"Let's just say, his reaction was more shock that I could do something like that to **him** than it was because he didn't want me to do it."

Castle shook his head slowly, turning to look at the ground. "Idiot", he mumbled.

Kate frowned slightly. "I can think of plenty of words to lob at him for this, but somehow 'idiot' isn't really one of them. 'Self-involved', 'arrogant', 'egotistical', I could get on board with, but idiot?"

"Of course. How could he actually think he wasn't the one losing out by losing you?"

Kate gave a sharp intake of breath at Castle's words. "That's sweet Castle, but it's not really true. I'm not that special a prize…" Her words were cut off as Castle bounded out of his chair and settled himself on the couch right next to and facing her. "Don't say that Kate, you don't know how wrong you are."

Castle's gaze on her face was burning, his moist eyes drinking in the sight of her so intensely that Kate had to blush and look down. At least until Castle's hand found its way to her chin and lifted her head back up. "Kate- you're so unbelievably beautiful. You could easily make a killing as a model, but that would be too shallow for you. Your beauty is too deep. You have such will, such intelligence, such heart. I've seen you day after day for three years and I'm still floored at how a person like you could exist. You're not perfect by any means, but nobody is, nobody can be. But I look at you, and I see someone closer than anyone I've ever met. You're an angel Kate."

For one of the few times in recent years Kate didn't blame herself for crying. She'd have to be colder than that freezer they'd been trapped in to keep a dry eye with a man saying these things to her with such matter-of-fact sincerity, looking at her with such awe and reverence.

Castle finished speaking and gazed at her a moment longer before looking down. "Look, Kate considering what Lanie told you that must have sounded like some kind of sweet-talking but mmf. Castle's voice was interrupted by the pair of lips that had latched on to his. Castle stayed there in stunned disbelief for a moment before responding eagerly.

After pulling away several continually dusk-colored years later, Kate spoke softly into Castle's ear. "Trust me Rick, that didn't sound like any cheap sweet-talking, and even if it had, you had me sweet-talked before I walked in the door." Castle threw his arms around her with a grin that could've created a whole new slew of complications for global warming before whispering softly in her ear.

"I love you so much, Kate, so very, very much."

Kate grinned through her tears. "I love you too, Castle. And for the record, I think you're actually pretty easy to love."

Castle beamed the smile of a man who'd been opening his heart for so long and had finally found someone filling it in.

**Just the epilogue left. Please tell me what you thought!**


	4. Chapter 4

Dr. Lanie Parish sighed as she walked into the morgue and turned on the lights. She knew she was in for a long day. She had four separate autopsies that had piled up, and that was assuming she didn't get any new bodies today, an assumption which unfortunately was never safe to make.

_Well, at least I've got little Castle to make things a bit more fun, _Lanie comforted herself as she hung up her coat before moving towards her desk to get her daily routine started_._ Lanie loved having Alexis here for the girl's internship. Castle's daughter was smart, funny, and a hard worker, and the fact that she wanted to intern with Lanie meant so much to her given the reaction many people had to her chosen profession. And the job seemed to be great for Alexis as well, she had been so emphatic in telling Lanie how much she'd learned. _Although she probably could've done well _not_ learning some things, if I'd ever heard anyone say about my dad what she heard from Beckett during that classified case last week I'd have ran from the room and never come back._

As Lanie finished chuckling to herself at the memory of the looks on all three members of the Castle mini-family (though Kate would probably kill her if she heard that thought despite the state of their relationship), she noticed something out of place on her desk out of the corner of her eye. Focusing more on it, Lanie was stunned to see a flower on top of three boxes, each one with a perfectly crafted bow on top. Lanie couldn't imagine who would've sent it or for what occasion (she pointedly did **not** think about a certain Latino detective). She briefly entertained the notion that it had gone to the wrong person, but that was quashed quickly by the sight of her name on the card sitting underneath the deliciously fragrant rose.

Lanie picked up the card and turned it around, seeing a tiny note stuck to it telling her to open the gifts first. Shrugging, Lanie picked up the first box and lifted the lid, only to find possibly the strangest present she'd ever seen. _A wad of cash? Who sends that in a box?_ Even more mystified, Lanie opened the second box, finding an all-expenses paid certificate for a weekend at the spa she'd tried to drag Kate to last year, usable at any point for a whole year. Finding this a little easier to understand but not particularly enlightening, especially since this wasn't exactly the cheapest present on the planet, she moved on to the last box. She gasped as she saw a gorgeous gold bracelet sized to her wrist perfectly. Lanie was stunned at the expensive gift, she wasn't even in a relationship, and it wasn't her birthday. Why would someone get her such an elaborate present just out of the blue? She stared down at the beautiful piece of jewelry for a good ten seconds before turning to the card in hopes of solving the mystery of just who had done this for her.

_Dear Lanie,_

_You once told me that when someone owed you something you'd take payment in spa certificates, jewelry, and cash. Well Lanie, I'm pretty sure I owe you something. One year ago today you were there for me as a true friend when I really needed someone, and you went on to comfort me by getting me the most perfect gift I've ever received, one I never intend to let go of. This is my modest attempt to express some small amount of my appreciation for how you changed my life that day. Our anniversary is now an extra anniversary for you too. You truly are one of the best friends I've ever had, and I can never thank you enough for what you did that day._

_You friend forever,_

_Richard Castle_

Lanie was tearing up by the end of the letter, remembering both what she'd joked to Castle when he'd asked her to autopsy a talk show host who seemed to have died of natural causes as well as that day last year.

_Kate's lucky she got to Castle when she did, or I might have stolen him first. He remembered that sarcastic line two years later and spent this much money to thank me for his girlfriend. How someone could have ever felt that man wasn't enough to love is beyond me._

Lanie looked back over the letter through her watery eyes, this time noticing a post script.

_P.S. This is on your desk so you'd notice first thing in the morning. If you want to see the proposal be upstairs in ten minutes._

_Sorry Mr. Dolson, your autopsy will have to wait_, Lanie thought to herself first corpse as she high-tailed it out of the morgue with a squeal. She wasn't missing this for the world.


End file.
